You're completely useless in the revolution.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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