Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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