just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
