pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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