I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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