My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
