You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
