I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dick very happy bro
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
