That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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