We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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