i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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