I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
