She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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