He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
