I CAN MOONWALK!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
