so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
