is your mom at the bar?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
