Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
