You're so nebulous sometimes
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
