oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
