I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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