I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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