Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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