i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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