i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
