hell yes lets make some ravioli
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
