if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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