Whod you bang
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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