toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
