let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
