Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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