Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
