I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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