i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
