she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
