It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
