I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
