As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
