I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
