There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I enjoy the company of your penis
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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