i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
