He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
