You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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