Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
