PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
