Just fell off a train. Bad.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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