Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
