Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
