I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
