First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
