i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
