Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
