too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
