Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
