ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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