you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
